Characters:
            Sarge — In charge of unit, is only a head.
            Vinny — Detective, no legs, on skateboard
            Ronnie — Detective, morbidly obese
            Jones — Assistant to Sarge, deaf mute
            Herr — Detective

0) I decide to do my taxes myself this year, to save money, and be less ignorant about them. And I still owe my accountant for doing last year’s taxes.

On New Year’s Eve of the millennium, I realized that I would always feel ridiculous.

I awoke this morning to find that none of the many irritants in the world irritated me any more.“Great!” I said. “It’s about time”.

In the last “Housing Story,” my annoying upstairs neighbor, Johnny, fell off the roof of my tenement building while renovating his fire-damaged apartment, and I at long last got a legal lease for mine.

I used to hang out at a good bar. It had everything: a long history, ambient despair, determined alcoholism people seemed to truly enjoy, disturbingly beautiful women roaming through a comfortable distance, queer birds with queerer histories, regulars who suddenly die from third world ailments, and a fantastic bartender who treated regulars like royalty and strangers with amusing disdain.

With the grim housing situation in NY leaving so many looking for an affordable place to live, I’ve decided to tell a cheery apartment tale.