Welcome to the movies. Everything worthwhile in this film, this film that you will never see, appears in the trailer you are currently watching.

An unlit cigarette dangled from my lips.

An unlit cigarette dangled from my lips.

While you read this your identity is being stolen, has been stolen. Before you were confident in who you were: you were yourself; before you were confident in who others were: they were themselves. You could not be them; they could not be you. Or so you thought until now when, you find, someone has broken the rules.

I am not a real person. I am only words on paper. A narrator. A narrator of the first person variety. An invention. A fake. Or, if you prefer, an illusion.

I am not a real person. I am only words on paper. A narrator. A narrator of the first person variety. An invention. A fake. Or, if you prefer, an illusion.

While you read this your identity is being stolen, has been stolen. Before you were confident in who you were: you were yourself; before you were confident in who others were: they were themselves. You could not be them; they could not be you. Or so you thought until now when, you find, someone has broken the rules.

I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I first got interested in cannons back when I was in college. Back at Nusquam University. The Fighting Nuskies. (What’s a Nusky? What isn’t?)

I ain’t gonna lie to ya. I first got interested in cannons back when I was in college. Back at Nusquam University. The Fighting Nuskies. (What’s a Nusky? What isn’t?)

1 We open on blankness. Then, from the heavens, God steps down onto the empty stage. (If God prefers to leap onto the stage or float down to the stage, you’d better allow it because, you know, this is God we’re talking about.)

1 We open on blankness. Then, from the heavens, God steps down onto the empty stage. (If God prefers to leap onto the stage or float down to the stage, you’d better allow it because, you know, this is God we’re talking about.)

In lieu of a lengthy, written dissertation on William Wordsworth, Ethan presented his committee with a papier-mâché volcano entitled “Wordsworth’s England.”

In lieu of a lengthy, written dissertation on William Wordsworth, Ethan presented his committee with a papier-mâché volcano entitled “Wordsworth’s England.”

hat worthless pothead, your roommate, so the rumor runs, has sent a message to you, the straight-laced student, the tired-of-staying-up-late-every-night-because-someone-won’t-let-you-go-to-sleep guy snoozing on the other side of the room;

hat worthless pothead, your roommate, so the rumor runs, has sent a message to you, the straight-laced student, the tired-of-staying-up-late-every-night-because-someone-won’t-let-you-go-to-sleep guy snoozing on the other side of the room;