Word count: 3377
Paragraphs: 194
two people practicing punches: one of them blocks/receives, the other throws punches
they do this over and over
they swap roles
they do it again
one of them begins to tire
JEREMY
Teddy
Stop
Teddy
I need a break
TEDDY
When you need a break is when they’ll get you
JEREMY
You’re really ruining my relationship to rest
TEDDY
Well Jeremy nothing ruins a relationship to rest
Like random and unprovoked violence
JEREMY
They’re really not like that
Mine I mean
I know what people say about theirs
But
They’re good to me
Nice people
Solid
Reliable
TEDDY
Jeremy mate you’re too trusting.
…
They all are until they aren’t
Y’know?
JEREMY
Are what
TEDDY
People
They’re all people until they’re not
And they don’t think you’re a person
So you mustn’t think they’re a person
JEREMY
They don’t think I’m a person?
TEDDY
Have you heard them talk about us
The way they go on you’d think we sodomize babies
JEREMY
You don’t think they’re… serious?
They wouldn’t actually hurt us
TEDDY
Oh dude
Did you hear Taylor talk about hers
They were building a…
Machine
A very particular kind of machine
In the basement
Taking up communal space!
Imagine that
Leaving a sharp edge exposed
Children could’ve gotten hurt
JEREMY
Did they?
TEDDY
Children?
Nah she doesn’t rent to families
JEREMY
…
Okay
Ready to go again
TEDDY raises his arms, gets into a fighting stance
JEREMY
Shit actually
No
Sorry
I need a minute
TEDDY lowers his arms, annoyed
TEDDY
…
Jeremy
…
Can I say something?
… (he doesn’t really wait for an answer)
I don’t know if you’re grasping the…
uniquely
well
Dire?
nature of the situation we’re in
JEREMY
?
Is it really that bad
TEDDY (incredulous)
Is it… really that bad
Is it
Really that bad
…
Jeremy
We are the last of our kind
We are being driven into extinction, man
And you’re here taking breaks
and throwing wobbly punches
JEREMY
…
I have weak elbows
It’s a genetic thing
…
Also I didn’t want to hurt you accidentally
because I’ve done that before
Despite the weak elbow thing
I’ve been told I don’t know my strength
TEDDY
Show me then
Come on
JEREMY
I don’t want to hurt you
TEDDY
You can’t
You really can’t
JEREMY
Okay
…
Okay
they take up fighting stances
TEDDY raises his arms
JEREMY raises his arms
TEDDY
Go!
JEREMY
I’m going
I’m going
he’s not going
he’s not really moving
he’s beginning to tremble
TEDDY
Aw come on man
…
What’s going on
…
Get it together
…
Hey.
…
Dude
…
Shit.
…
You… okay?
…
Hey.
TEDDY reaches out and touches JEREMY’s shoulder
JEREMY snaps back into his body
JEREMY
I’m going!
he throws a punch – though it’s rather more like:
a reaching
a one-armed hug
an offering
a hand to take
TEDDY
Fuck
…
weak
You’re weak
Don’t touch me
I don’t want to get it all over me
JEREMY
Get…?
TEDDY
Whatever it is that’s made you
Like this
Noodle elbows
…
Too much soy probably
JEREMY
Soy?
TEDDY
Tofu
JEREMY
Tofu
TEDDY
Tofu diet
Tofu body
Tofu mind
JEREMY
Tofu
…
mind
TEDDY
Soft
Mostly water
Full of the wrong hormone
JEREMY
…
…
No one else will train with me
…
They say they don’t let
“People like me”
In
TEDDY
You know why
Everyone has a weakness-sensing bone in their body
And with you it’s just
Going off
Constantly
JEREMY
I fixed that though
I fixed that about myself
I looked up how to fix myself
And spent years and years chipping away at the project
The project of me
It was so hard
Everything was so hard
But I kept up with it because it was going to be worth it
And now you’re telling me
…
You see everything
Inside me?
TEDDY
Whoa
…
Whoa man
That’s not what I meant
Okay?
I just…
Look
…
I’m
… (this is hard for him to say)
sorry
Let’s just go again
I just lost my shit
That’s a problem I have
Losing my shit
…
You didn’t deserve that.
a silence
JEREMY, wounded, eyes TEDDY, gauging his sincerity
TEDDY’s face twitches
what is he—
oh. it’s a smile.
TEDDY smiles. it’s terrifying.
JEREMY smiles back
he’s never really smiled before and doesn’t know how it’s supposed to look – he’s mirroring TEDDY
it’s a bit like two animals baring their teeth
TEDDY
You know what
We need to stretch you out
You need that flexibility
You’re just really stiff right now
JEREMY
I get that way when I sleep
My whole body just curls up and won’t let go
TEDDY
Lie down
JEREMY lies down
he raises his leg
TEDDY steps forward and leans on the raised leg
TEDDY
Let go
Don’t resist
JEREMY
Okay
Okay
…
Aaaaaaaah
…
I’m trying!
TEDDY
I know
I know
Take your time
…
Think about fighting stances
Feet apart
Fists up
Loose fists, remember
You don’t want to break something on a sharp face
JEREMY
How can you tell if someone has a sharp face
TEDDY
Easy
Predators have soft faces
Because their eyes are on the front of their face
Prey… have hard sharp faces
Because their eyes are on the sides of their face
So if someone is prey…
Watch your knuckles.
JEREMY
Can you tell from a picture
(at some point after this they fluidly, naturally switch to stretching JEREMY’s other leg)
TEDDY
Hmmm
I’d usually say no
But probably if you had a picture
And like
Their resume?
You could probably make a pretty solid guess
JEREMY
I never ask for pictures
Or resumes
Maybe I should
TEDDY
Dude
Ask for everything
Resumes
Pictures
Credit scores
Tax returns
Pay stubs
Bank statements
Professional references
Personal references
Pet references
…
Everything
JEREMY
How do you have the time to look through all that
TEDDY
I don’t
I hire someone
JEREMY
I keep wanting to hire someone but I just
Don’t
If I do it I don’t have to pay myself
TEDDY
Ah Jeremy
Jeremy Jeremy Jeremy
That’s where your problem is
You do have to pay yourself!
Value your own time!
It’s not free
JEREMY (not understanding)
It’s free to me
TEDDY
That just means you’re not valuing yourself
as a worker contributing to the economy
And you are
We all are!
JEREMY
…
Don’t they like saying
That what we do
isn’t a real job
TEDDY
People say all kinds of shit
You don’t have to believe them
They’re just jealous
They’re just bitter
They’re just not in the best place in their lives right now
And are probably about to get evicted
So of course they hate you
Of course they’ll say mean things
…
You can’t believe every mean thing people say about you.
Right?
JEREMY
… yeah
I guess.
…
I’m just…
Not sure I actually do do anything?
Day to day?
I’m just
On my phone
A lot
TEDDY
You can just say masturbating
JEREMY
No like…
Stocks
sometimes.
TEDDY
I get it
I did nofap once
Lasted 12 days
JEREMY
That’s impressive man
TEDDY
Thanks
I was hoping for forever
But I didn’t expect it to hurt
JEREMY
It… hurt?
TEDDY
All the unexpelled fluids
started
Collecting
Up there
I felt like a cow
I needed to be milked
There’s just no getting around it
It’s a biological need
Don’t let people demonize it
It’s only natural
Would you shame a woman for breastfeeding
It’s a bodily function
JEREMY
They’re feeding a baby though
…
I’m not sure
If that’s the same
TEDDY
My fluids are edible too
They could collect it
And make it into cookies
They have nutritional value!
They contain calories!
They might make a great afternoon snack
JEREMY
Right
Right
…
Maybe we should… [get back to it]
TEDDY
Right.
Yeah.
TEDDY steps back
JEREMY gets up
TEDDY steps back some more
JEREMY shakes out the stretch
he’s a lot looser, more relaxed
a totally different person
he holds up his hands, loosely balled into fists
gets into fighting stance
TEDDY
That’s right
Wow
Perfect form
Learning real fast
Not the old Jeremy any more huh
…
Come at me
TEDDY does a particularly obnoxious version of the “come at me” gesture
JEREMY leaps at him
mid leap he transforms into…
something else
a predator with eyes on the front of his face
TEDDY is prey, eyes on the side
he doesn’t see it coming
JEREMY pins TEDDY
TEDDY thrashes frantically, eyes wide, a fish out of water
TEDDY
Dude
What
…
Help
You’re crushing me
…
Help
Help
HELP
Somebody help me
JEREMY
Shhhhhh
Shhhhhh
You’re okay
Stop struggling
That’s what’s hurting you
TEDDY
You’re hurting me
JEREMY
I’m not
Stop moving
You’ll see
TEDDY slows his thrashing
it does hurt less
TEDDY gradually moves more slowly
he comes to a stop
he lies still
TEDDY
How
JEREMY
I told you
You were hurting yourself
TEDDY
The whole time?
JEREMY
The whole time.
TEDDY
But I need to defend myse—
JEREMY
From who
TEDDY
From my tenants!
They want to hurt me
They want to hurt all of us
They don’t care about the
the
social contract
JEREMY
What social contract
TEDDY
The one that protects us all from each other
JEREMY
Is it protecting you now
TEDDY
…
It would
If you got off me
Then I could
…
I could
…
Call someone
JEREMY
Who
TEDDY
…
Lots of— [people]
…
The cops.
I would call the cops.
JEREMY
And what would you say
TEDDY
I need help
This guy is pinning me to the floor
He’s hurting me
JEREMY (genuine)
Am I hurting you
TEDDY thinks about it
TEDDY
Well
Not any more
It doesn’t… hurt exactly
JEREMY
How does it feel
TEDDY
It feels…
…
Uh
…
It feels
Good
Actually
I’m not sure why
JEREMY loosens his hold on TEDDY
shifts his grip
TEDDY
…
I…
Put it back.
JEREMY
What
TEDDY
Hold me
JEREMY
You sure?
TEDDY
Yeah
Tight
Like before
JEREMY puts his hands back, approximating their previous position
JEREMY
Like this?
TEDDY
More to the left
JEREMY
Like this
TEDDY
Yes
…
Stay.
a moment of stillness, TEDDY enjoying the feeling
JEREMY
Do you still want to call the cops
TEDDY
Maybe later.
…
How’d you learn this hold
JEREMY
It’s for a tourniquet
TEDDY (he doesn’t know what that is)
“Tourniquet”
JEREMY
If someone is bleeding real bad
From a limb
You apply pressure
Lots of pressure
At a point between the wound and the heart
Until help comes
TEDDY
Have you ever had to do it
JEREMY
Never
…
I don’t think I ever will
TEDDY
But
They’re after us
JEREMY
They are
For sure
…
But when they do get us
I don’t think tourniquets are gonna do us any good
…
…
I keep having this dream about the machine in the basement
It gets bigger and bigger every day
The sharp edge gets sharper and sharper
Looking at it creates a strange feeling in my body
In my chest
It’s almost like…
Desire
I’m drawn to this machine
I’m drawn to its sharp edge
I want…
I want to lie under it
Bare my neck to it
Watch the sharp edge of the blade rush towards me
…
That’s what you’re feeling right now
An approximation of that desire.
Yours is different, though
You feel it in your arm
TEDDY
I don’t know what it means
JEREMY
It took me a while to figure that out myself
…
Let the feeling spread through your body
It is a feeling of letting go
Becoming
Prey
…
I quite enjoy it
I’ve had enough of power
I want someone to pin me down and
Force me to do something I don’t think I want
Until I’m being made to do it.
TEDDY
I want to help
…
Tell me how
JEREMY
I want…
I want
To stretch
TEDDY
Okay
JEREMY
Stretch me out
TEDDY
Legs?
JEREMY
…
Neck
My neck.
When I lie down under the blade
My neck must be sufficiently stretched to receive its sharp edge
JEREMY lies on the floor
arches his head back
TEDDY grasps him by the neck, holds it
JEREMY
Pull back
Pull back as hard as you can
TEDDY
Okay
Okay
…
Ready?
JEREMY
Ready
…
Go!
TEDDY pulls back—
darkness
a horrible, crunchy snap
after a beat,
relieved laughter
JEREMY
thank you.
thank you.
thank you.
This Rail Short was a collaboration between the Brooklyn Rail and Brooklyn Rep (Charles Quittner, Artistic Director). stretching out, directed by Chyna-Rose Frederick, was originally presented at Scritches, Brooklyn Rep’s festival of new plays, at The Divine in London, England on March 3 and 4, 2024.