APR 2019

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APR 2019 Issue
Critics Page

Who Is the You

I have a lump in my throat I have a frog in my throat I am at my own throat let me clear my throat let me jump down my throat to see what’s inside I had myself wrapped around my throat before I entered the world my mother around my throat the cord a narrow throat between us around my throat before I came out of her throat-like vessel vagina as throat speechless throat words are the lump in my throat throat words are the frog words are the throat make sounds come out of your throat louder louder louder strapped to a table upright perfect 90° angle to the floor electrodes on my chest arms legs wires like a throat connect me to my heart on the monitor like a throat making sounds lump in my throat doctor says talk lump in my throat doctor says talk louder doctor asks if I am afraid to talk if I get nervous talking lump in my throat doctor says my heart rate spikes when I talk louderlouderlouder I have a frog in my throat again I have something in my throat again immoveable blockage in my throat again I am choking on my words again I am choking on myself again I am in my throat the internet says the throat is the center of self-expression the internet says I say what you want to hear more often than I say what I want to say the internet knows me better than I know myself the internet is a throat my throat is afraid to say what I want to say so I do not say anything the internet says to practice aloud to myself what I want to say I want to say that I am afraid to say what I want to say most of the time so I do not say that most of the time I feel like I do not have anything to say except that it feels like I have a lump in my throat some days I want to cough it up some days I want to swallow it whole

Contributor

Eloisa Amezcua

ELOISA AMEZCUA is an Arizona native. She recently finished her MFA at Emerson College and works in Cambridge, MA. She’s received scholarships from the New York State Summer Writers Institute, the Bread Loaf Translators’ Conference, and the Vermont College of Fine Arts Post-Graduate Workshop. Her poetry and translations are published or forthcoming from BOAAT, The Boiler Journal, Salamander, and others. You can find her at www.eloisaamezcua.com.

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APR 2019

All Issues