The Starry Skies Above
Aries You’ll be making love in March, as Venus frolics through your horny pastures, Ram! You’ll be especially charismatic–or is that bombastic–after the 21, but take the time to listen to the whispers of those more sensitive souls around, and by the beginning of April you’re ready to talk–or write–your way into the citadel of power.
Taurus Amaze friends and foes alike in March and early April, oh lotus-eater Bull, and use the energy of the red planet to help you plough a deep and lasting furrow in the field of your ambitions. And maybe some neighboring fields of passion too. Just don’t guzzle all the Red Bulls in the fridge. My brother’s one of you. I know.
Gemini Okay, attention deficient Twins, that old taskmaster Saturn continues its slow ride through your sign this year, forcing you to cultivate discipline and take responsibility for yourselves. But there’s a kickback in late April when Mars, the planet of naked ambition and self-assertion, adds some power bass lines to the mix.
Cancer Well, it’s all right for some. Sugar-Daddy Jupiter loves his baby crab this year; even if he’s back-pedaling on some promises right now, he’ll deliver after March 2. That’s when a relationship or notion that began innocently enough in mid February starts to fulfill its sweet potential. How nice you’re not the gloating type.
Leo The big cats are full of passion at the end of March, and no one else is getting any sleep either. Technological innovation makes this a truly 21st century affair, so be prepared to share the spotlight (and the old boots from Jim in Apartment 3A) with vibrators that text message Inter Flora orders, and condoms that cure cystitis. Cool.
Virgo Late March could be a trifle trying for the Empresses and Gardeners of the zodiac, with many careful plans dissolving in a mess of woolly ideas and miscommunications. But do preserve, don’t carp, and late April brings some solid commitments from others to a greener, better world, plus more jam tarts for all.
Libra Full Moon on the scale March 28. Bad news is that Jolly Jupiter’s on the other pan, trying to bring you down with his bad jokes and blatant favoritism. But favoritism to all the water signs. But for once Stern Saturn tips the balance in your favor, helping you to gain success on your own merits. Just don’t talk yourself out of it by morning.
Scorpio Up until mid-March everything’s going really well for the much maligned creature of passion and stealth: love, language, and power are flowing over you in waves. Then you’re suddenly tipped into a world of rampant hotheads who just don’t get your mystical appeal. Don’t blow your cover and you will laugh last, as always.
Sagittarius Pluto is blocking your sightlines, Archer–either have a nervous breakdown or deal with all your shit. Make a major effort to tap an emotional wellspring by March 21, because after that it’s slow boil on the back burner until the end of August and you don’t want to dry up over the summer, do you? I thought not.
Capricorn Some people get off easy this time, and you’re one of them, Goatling. No locking horns with intransigent authorities or eating a toaster by mistake. Just don’t grumble as Lady Luck continues to favor the ill-prepared. Luck is for schmucks: you’re being left alone this spring to continue making airtight plans for success.
Aquarius For these two months Saturn, Lord of Schedules, is wooing Neptune, King of Dreams, on your behalf, and the movies in your head will start on time. Not only that, Water Bearer, but this spring you take over as Head of the Special Effects Into Reality Department, so flood the streets with your most eccentric creations, please.
Pisces Your New Moon on March 6 is badgered by Pluto, reminding you of past abuses of your person. But even as your upper lip wobbles and tears tumble forth, all month the universe is slipping love notes under your door. Read believe, please, sensitive Fish–with inspiration like this, you’ll shrink the old bully in no time at all.